Till Death


I have so many choices in a day – this one not unlike the others.

I can choose to engage; choose to care; choose to hate; choose my words. I could choose to wait… to use time. But for me, is time dispersing the intensity of emotions or multiplying them? Am I just giving more of me to a bathtub thick with the blackest of feelings? 

I noticed today that my responses have changed. They are quick and juvenile.. “you suck”, “are you too dumb?”Given extra thought, cooler emotions, I couldn’t say I’d choose these words. But I was too hot and too impatient for flexibility. Instead, I had feelings… frustrations. And most frustrating is that once the conversation fell to those places, that’s where it stayed. No one took it anywhere else. We just left that relational pathway intact – to be returned to, paved & inhabited.  

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